Edu-cat-ed

July 23, 2020

When you thought it couldn’t get any weirder here...

DD: ”Do you ever wonder if cats get bored? ‘Cause they can’t read.”

DS: “How do you know they can’t read?”

We call this a God-thing

July 11, 2015

Back in March, I stopped by our local children's used clothing store and purchased several outfits for each of my girls. After they tried everything on, I ended up returning a couple of outfits that didn't really fit, but I didn't make it back to the store within their "7 days from purchase" deadline, so I was issued store credit for $17.12 instead of given a refund. I stuffed the receipt in my coupon envelope and promptly forgot about it.

Today, my son - who is heading to Ecuador for a mission trip in 12 hours - abruptly informed me that he needs a lightweight rain jacket to take with him, so we head out to shop for a few last-minute things he needs for the trip and to look for a jacket. Of course, it's the middle of summer, and lightweight rain jackets are probably only sold in mid-February here or something inane like that (regardless of the fact that it's been chilly and raining on and off for the past month), so we strike out at Target, Wal-Mart, Kohls…even multiple Goodwill stores.  

It doesn't help that he's a tad picky. 

He doesn't want a hood. 

It must have a zipper.

It needs to be a full-length zipper and cannot be a half-zip pullover.

It can only be grey, silver or black.

It cannot have any weird or loud accent colors. 

It can't be too heavy. 

It can't feel weird next to his skin.

But also he doesn't want a cotton lining.  

No team logos or designs.  

We finally find exactly what he's looking for at Dick's Sporting Goods. For $100. At this point, I’m thinking that he can just get wet or wear a plastic bag before I pay $100 for a rain jacket for Mr. Exacting.

I've given up. He's WAY past being done shopping, so we head over to the UPS Store to meet dad, as he and I need to get something notarized. (We decided it was probably a good idea to provide a letter of temporary guardianship for the family members who will be traveling with our minor son out of the country.) But dad is having trouble getting the printer to cooperate, so he's running a little late.

Even though the local children's used clothing store ONLY carries up to boy's size 14 (and we need an adult men's small), and dragging my son in there is going to be like pulling teeth, it’s right there next to the UPS Store, so I tell him we're going. He mildly complains while I dig through my coupon envelope looking for my store credit receipt. Which - when I finally locate it - is nearly blank because someone thought it was a good idea to print a “this is your only record of store credit so treat it like it’s cash” receipt on thermal paper. But there’s enough legible ink remaining that I can make out that my $17.12 credit expires the next day.

“God,” I silently pray as we head through the parking lot, “Please help me find what he needs in here. I’m tired, I hate shopping, I don’t know where else to look, and I need to get home and make dinner. And I really don’t want to drive back to Dick’s to spend $100 so I don’t feel like a failure and unloving mother.”

We walk in, and thread our way all the way to the back of the store, where the tiny section of boy's size 14 clothes are. The entire row is basically jeans, shorts and t-shirts.  No jackets whatsoever. In fact, the only long-sleeved clothing I find are a few lightweight long-sleeve t-shirts and every single one of them is way too small. 

I think we’re on strike eleven at this point.

I figure I might as well use this credit before it expires so I head toward the girl's clothing to see what I can find. I have to walk around the end of the aisle I'm on to get there though…

Lo and behold, on the endcap, completely out of place in the midst of a bunch of toddler-sized boy's sweatshirts, is the EXACT same jacket he'd liked at Dick's. 

In silver. 

In his size. 

In perfect condition. 

Price, including tax: $17.12 

(July 11, 2024 update: It still fits, and he still wears it.)

Reptilian parenting

 July 2, 2009

3yo: "Mommy, are you a snake? 'Cause your skin is coming off."

Stupid sunburn.

British withdrawal

 "They sound kind of lame." (Ryan's opinion of the Beatles, March 3, 2011)

I was just working on something and for some reason started singing Yellow Submarine, and he gave me this strange look. I explained to him what I was singing, then pulled up a video of the Beatles singing it on YouTube to provide him with a more authentic experience. That's when he said they sounded lame. When I didn't turn it off, his eye started twitching. 

So I played a bunch of other stuff for him: I Wanna Hold Your Hand, Here Comes The Sun, Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da, Twist and Shout, Revolution, etc. He started rolling his eyes, and and one point pretended to fall over dead.

RIP Splatman

(Ryan -  2/10/2012)

 

Our, poor snowman, who was standing on his hands, suffered a terrible death. Because his hands were only made from thin sticks, his hands broke, and his head landed facedown on the deck. As his head was made of snow, it was destroyed upon impact. We were proud of you, our faithful snowman. (brief shout out to the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon. This would go great in your snowmen of terror exhibit)

Flabbergast the teacher

Mom: Can someone give me an example of a contraction?

Megan (age 8): Not's. Like “not apostrophe s”..

Mom: Um...I don't know. Can you think of a sentence in which you would use "not's" correctly.

Megan: Not's a real word. Right? Not IS a real word?

Mom: Yeah. I think that is probably the ONLY sentence in which you would use the word "not's" correctly. (I'm shocked she came up with it so fast. I was trying to figure out how one could use "not is" in a sentence.)

Figuring out the empty threat

(2016) Modern child catches on to useless disciplinary measures: