Flabbergast the teacher

Mom: Can someone give me an example of a contraction?

Megan (age 8): Not's. Like not apostrophe s.

Mom: Um...I don't know. Can you think of a sentence in which you would use "not's" correctly.

Megan: Not's a real word. Right? Not IS a real word?

Mom: Yeah. I think that is probably the ONLY sentence in which you would use the word "not's" correctly. (I'm shocked she came up with it so fast. I was trying to figure out how one could use "not is" in a sentence.)

Figuring out the empty threat

(2016) Modern child catches on to useless disciplinary measures:

Digital medicine

 If I ever had any doubts we're living in a tech-saturated age:

Daughter: "Mom, I have a headache. Do you have anything for a headache?"

Me: "A nap."

Daughter: "An app? What app? How does it help my headache?"

Haiku

 Kaitlyn's first haiku (September 28, 2012):

The big tree is brown

The tree can fall any time

So do be careful

Well, sometimes I am spineless…

 "Mommy, are you a snake? 'Cause your skin is coming off."

Kaitlyn (5) - July 2, 2009 - in response to my peeling sunburned skin.

Pious

 This one is another throwback to April of 2009. The culprit in question was 5 years old at the time.

Parent: You need to stop arguing with me about this.

Child: (rolls eyes)

Parent: Don't roll your eyes at me. I'm serious!

Child: I wasn't rolling my eyes. I was looking at Jesus.

Punctuated

 From March 2012:

Kaitlyn (8): "I like periods. They're like o's without the insides."