Digital medicine

 If I ever had any doubts we're living in a tech-saturated age:

Daughter: "Mom, I have a headache. Do you have anything for a headache?"

Me: "A nap."

Daughter: "An app? What app? How does it help my headache?"

Haiku

 Kaitlyn's first haiku (September 28, 2012):

The big tree is brown

The tree can fall any time

So do be careful

Well, sometimes I am spineless…

 "Mommy, are you a snake? 'Cause your skin is coming off."

Kaitlyn (5) - July 2, 2009 - in response to my peeling sunburned skin.

Pious

 This one is another throwback to April of 2009. The culprit in question was 5 years old at the time.

Parent: You need to stop arguing with me about this.

Child: (rolls eyes)

Parent: Don't roll your eyes at me. I'm serious!

Child: I wasn't rolling my eyes. I was looking at Jesus.

Punctuated

 From March 2012:

Kaitlyn (8): "I like periods. They're like o's without the insides."

Open-minded

April 2010 (Need to snag these when they come across my Facebook memories, since so many have dropped out of my own memories)

Dad: Megan, eat your food. 

Megan: I don't like it. 

Dad: It's good, you just have to open your mind a bit. 

Several minutes elapse... 

Megan: I'm doing my best to open my mind, but I just can't. It's hard to open my mind.

Looking where?

 Came across this one in my FB memories (original approximately April 2009):

(KMM)

Parent: You need to stop arguing with me about this.

Child: (rolls eyes)

Parent: Don't roll your eyes at me. I'm serious!

Child: I wasn't rolling my eyes. I was looking at Jesus.

The birds and the...TVs?

This one is going up several years late, but better late than never.

We were sitting around the table eating dinner when the subject shifted to a topic closely related to “the birds and the bees”. I honestly cannot remember what it was we were discussing, exactly, but as the subject strayed toward something to do with the mechanics of human sexuality, I suggested that we might need to change the subject, since Megan had not yet had “the talk”.

Megan promptly chimed in, “Actually, I already know”. I immediately turned to Kaitlyn. She and I had recently taken a mother-daughter trip during which I’d shared the details of all things related to puberty and sexual intercourse. At several points during that weekend-long conversation, I had strictly warned her against sharing the things she was learning with her younger sister. But if Megan “already knew” then it seemed logical that Kaitlyn had “spilled the beans” in spite of her promise not to.

“Kaitlyn!” The accusation in my voice was clear.

Kaitlyn recoiled. “I didn’t tell her!”

I was skeptical. Yes, of course both boys “knew” as well, but they’d managed to keep it to themselves for several years, so it hardly made sense that they’d keep it from Kaitlyn but tell Megan.

“Kaitlyn, you...”

“She didn’t tell me,” Megan interrupted. “Dad did.”

I looked at Andrew, utterly confused. We had agreed, years before, that while we would honestly answer any questions the kids had as they grew, that the vast majority of the information would be shared with each child during a special father-son or mother-daughter trip when they were close to puberty. And that anytime we were approached with bigger questions, that would at least be shared with the other parent so we could be on the same page about who knew what.

Andrew looked back at me, clearly just as perplexed, shaking his head to indicate that, no, he did not pass this information along to our young daughter.

“Well, he didn’t exactly tell me.” Megan continued, cheerfully. “It was more like he showed me.”

I’m frantic now. Despite the fact that I know and trust my husband, for some reason I’m picturing our innocent little girl being corrupted by some graphic porn video.

“What do you mean?” I try to keep my voice even as I question my daughter. “How did dad show you?”

“Well, he was trying to fix the TV, and he showed me that he had to plug the male end of the cable into the female end on the TV. So I watched him do that and then I figured it out.”

I never realized the Christmas story was so funny...

On Christmas day, we sat down with some lunch to watch The Nativity Story.

Upon Elizabeth giving birth to John:
Kaitlyn - "How does such a big thing come out of such a little hole?"
Mom - "The little hole is pretty amazing...it stretches."
Kaitlyn - "Oh, so it's like the chimney? Like when Santa Clause goes into it?"

Upon the angel delivering the good news to the shepherds:
Kaitlyn - "Oh! So THAT'S Harold?"
Mom - "What?"
Kaitlyn - "Harold. You know - 'Hark, the Harold angel sings..'

Well, Obviously!

Megan: I want to be a missionary pilot when I get older.
Dad: So you want to fly an airplane and tell people about Jesus?
Megan: No, I want to use rocket boots.

Tense?

The girls got several sets of Shrinky Dinks for Christmas this year, and they attacked them with gusto while I was doing our morning reading.  (Every day I read between 3-4 hours to the kids and they're allowed to color, draw, play with LEGOs and other quiet toys while I read.)

I spent most of lunch time cutting out the things they'd colored, then everyone gathered around the oven to watch them shrink.  This was the fun part for all of us - them because it was something "amazing" that they'd never seen, and me because I remember experiencing that in my childhood and enjoyed watching them experience it for the first time.

Andrew was home late tonight, and I was in the shower when he went to tuck the girls in.  Apparently Kaitlyn (7) was still excited over the shrinking plastic, because she shared with him all about it.  He came in to tell me how excited she was...and also how we might need some grammar practice.

Apparently, when the plastic started to shrink, Kaitlyn told him, "I FROKE OUT!"

THIRSTY?

This evening we had a community church service at the local county 4-H fairgrounds as part of the church's community outreach week.  It was an all-inclusive service, so all the kids were in with us for the entire time.  Part of the service was our community outreach pastor speaking with a woman who had had several projects done to her home over the course of the week.  The pastor asked her to tell her story, and she spoke for several minutes about how she'd married very young, had six children in five years, and her husband cheated on her for years before she divorced him.  Shen then explained that she'd "gone wild" after the divorce, and that she'd started drinking.  She said that it wasn't until she began raising her grandson that she really started turning her life around, and that included the choice to stop drinking.  In her words, "That was over 40 years ago, and I haven't had a drink since."

At that point, Kaitlyn turned to me and whispered, very seriously, "Her mouth must be really dry."

SCARIEST CONVERSATION EVER!

Kaitlyn: "Ryan, you know Joe-Joe?"
Ryan: "Yeah?"
Kaitlyn: "Well, I've been sleeping with him."
(Mom: severe heart attack, completely freaking out, "MY CHILD IS SIX YEARS OLD, WHY ARE THESE WORDS COMING OUT OF HER MOUTH???")
Ryan: "What?"
Kaitlyn: "Aaron's Joe-Joe stuffed dog?  I've been sleeping with it at night."

I'll let you know when my heart rate returns to normal.

Watch where you put your hand

Ryan: "Mom, did you know that the ground on Mars is called mars?"
Mom: "What?"
Ryan: "It only makes sense.  The ground on Earth is called "earth" so the ground on Mars must be called "mars.""
Ryan: "And if you stick your hand down into Venus, you are sticking your hand in "venus.""
Aaron: "And you don't want to stick your hand in the ground on Uranus!"

Funny Girl

We got quite the mother-load of funny from Megan (4) on the way home from church last night:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, you guys are great!" 

 Later, she was explaining about taking communion:

 "Communion isn't a snack, because God's body isn't a snack."

And finally, just a cutie-pie mixed-up word.

Mom: "Megan, what do you call things like dogs, cats, rabbits and squirrels?"   

Megan: "I don't know."

Mom: "They're not people, they're...?"

Megan: "Oh, aminals."

Fashion?

The kids and I went swimming this evening and had a blast with the pool all to ourselves.  The swim lessons were a pricey, but SO WORTH IT investment!

After returning home, I sent all the kids off to change out of their suits and take care of their towels while I showered and got dressed.  Megan (4) came into the bathroom while I was brushing my hair and complained that she couldn't find any pajamas.  Since I'd seen a pair when inspecting her room earlier today, I told her where they were and sent her to find them.  She came back, not in those pajamas, but instead wearing a long-sleeve pajama shirt under a sleeveless nightgown.  An odd combination, but the girls often do that to "stay warm" so I didn't say anything.

A couple minutes later, she came back and asked if the pair of pajama shorts she'd found in the laundry were hers.  I told her to check the tag, and she confirmed "4T" and ran off to put them on.  She came back and proudly displayed her pajamas, and I stifled a laugh at the mismatched items.  She'd just added the pajama shorts under the other two items.

So I asked her, "Why not just wear the shirt and the shorts?  Take off your nightgown?"

She looked at me as though I was clearly stupid, and answered, "Because, that would look ridiculous."  I had to giggle a little at that, because from where I was standing, she did look pretty ridiculous already.  But she wasn't done.


"You can't SEE the shorts under my nightgown, see?  If I took my nightgown off you could see them and THEN it would look really REALLY ridiculous."


Oh...I see.  

Can you say carbs?

Dad: "What did you have for breakfast?"
Megan: "Poppa-tarts and Texas Road Buns."

Spelling Lesson

Kaitlyn (6): "Ryan, what comes after the "R" in your name?"

Ryan (13): "Y"

Kaitlyn: "Because, I want to learn how to spell your name."

Animal radar?

Kaitlyn was looking at a giraffe and saw the little horns on its head.  She stared at it for a long time and then finally asked dad, "Are those supposed to be Montanas?"  (antenna)

Behold, the inappropriate son!

Those of you with boys, you'll understand.


We sometimes watch a TV show called “Good Eats” on the Food Network channel.  The host, Alton Brown spends each episode talking about how to make a certain dish or cook a certain food.  He also throws in all the interesting tidbits about food, culture, physics, etc.  It’s really very informative and interesting.

Tonight the show was on carrots and during one part, he was explaining why you can’t see when you go from a brightly lit room to a suddenly dim or dark room.  As a visual for this explanation, he walked over to his BBQ grill, which was painted like an eyeball, and said “Behold, the human eye!”  (Following this, he used the grill to help explain the way an eye/iris works).

Well, Ryan got a big kick out of that (he thinks Alton Brown is very funny and spends most of the show laughing).  He said the line “Behold, the human eye” no less than 8 times before the show was over.  I finally had to tell him to stop it!!!  After the show, I sent the boys to get ready for bed.  I could hear them messing around in the bathroom; arguing, fighting, being silly.  Then suddenly Ryan says “I’m telling” and comes tromping up the hall to find me.

“Aaron did a bad thing!”  He tells me.  Then he proceeds to tell me that they are in the bathroom playing around and Ryan decides to do the gag one more time.  So he pulls his eyelids apart really wide and says “Behold, the human eye!”  In response, Aaron promptly pulled down his pants and says, “Behold, the human penis!”

This is one of those times that I’ve utterly defeated myself as a parent.  I promptly burst out laughing, so you know that he will repeat that story anywhere and everywhere he can.  I couldn’t help it though.  It was so unexpected, so “classic boy”, and honestly, so funny!